Frustrated

Today I am frustrated. I am frustrated with my store, my cream line, my oldest son and my husband. As I look at the list of my frustrations I need to prioritize what problem to tackle first. What is the most important issue here. As a women what would you pick? My son. I need to figure out how to parent him better. I'm a great parent I am confident in that however I am not a great parent to him. He's a tough kid. Extremely bright and talented an old soul and we expect a lot from him, too much I have decided. So I have pulled out my parenting books and today at the store I will read in between customers. Muliti tasking as always. Now which issue should a tackle? My husband and my relationship...ugghh

Seniors

During the week I have a large amount of senior visitors. They come in and wander around the store commenting on the antiques and making references to their earlier years. 90% of them don't purchased and that does not bother me at all. I completely understand. They are out enjoying the day, socializing with their friends and window shopping. I will usually start a conversation with them. Whether it is a simple dialogue about the weather or a complex conversation about the current election. This population makes me smile and laugh. What I learn from this population is lessons on life. Ask a senior a question and most of them will love to tell you what their opinion is. They are always gracious, kind and polite. The younger generations could learn a lot if they lifted their eyes up from their mobile vices and turned their ears on and REALLY listened.

As I sat down for the Thanksgiving feast that I hosted this year, I looked at the 14 friends sitting down laughing and talking in front of me as well as watching the 7 children running around the house playing and I allowed myself a "be there" moment. Something I have been doing for awhile. Just truly being in the moment and breathing. I am incredibly blessed to be living this life and thankful for my family and friends. Just 1 day prior to my dinner party a dear old friend informed me that his mother had suddenly died. Poof! her life was gone. Wow. I am attending the funeral next Monday, haven't been to one since my mother passed away. Yes I will say it again, over and over...I am blessed.

So the store just turned 2 years old. Where is the time going? When I take time to reflect I am truly surprised on what I have accomplished. I am proud to announce that my cream and body line can now be found at the hot Vancouver boutique Fine Finds in Yale town. It is amazing what you can do when you have a clear vision and concrete goals and a realistic time frame. Being a wife and mother I have to make sure that I set realistic goals because work is second to them, but I wouldn't have been able to make it to my second year without some amazing people. I really want to thank my personal board of directors for helping, guiding, mentoring, and unconditionally loving me. My family, Janet, Dana, Tammy, Katherine the BCWG women, Virgina. Cheers to all of you and thank you for your love and support.

Today my sons went back to school, and I was so happy that I almost felt guilty. Knowing that they are safe in their classrooms and busy all day while I am a work eases my heart. I love summer and the freedom it brings but when you are a working mom it's a different ballgame. Trying to balance children, home life and work is extremely difficult. Something suffers when you are a working mom and this summer it was the time I spent with them. Because the weather sucked so bad, sales were down and I had to work most of July. So the boys went to camps. Week after week I sent them to our community camp which they enjoyed but I still felt bad. So having them back at school eases my heart.

So my husband is going back to work. Don't get me wrong he has worked since we've been back in Canada, mainly for himself. He is going back to work for someone or I should say some company and this is a big change for him and even a bigger change for us. For the last 13 years we have rarely been apart and I know this would destroy some marriages and it almost destroyed ours. So you could say I am so excited for him and this change. I am always promoting change. Change is exciting and terrifying at the same time. It's healthy and it promotes growth. I am excited for him to feel apart of something besides this family, excited for him to have a sense of purpose again. But I am mainly excited for the change I hope it brings to my marriage. Let's be honest here distance drives my hormones more than he is aware of. Bring it on baby!!!!!

I found a display piece for the store on Craig's List and it was located in Lake Bonavista, my old stomping ground. I lived there for 25 years, an amazing place to grow up. Anyway my husband and I went down to "Bobs" house and met Bob and his lovely wife and daughter and purchased the unit that Bob actually made himself. Bob is over 80 years old, married to his lovely wife for 60 years and moving into what he called "a home for the dead" I figured he meant a seniors home. So I asked his wife "is it hard to move into a seniors home after all these years of living here"? She replied "No way! it's been 60 years of taking care of Bob, I'm tired". "Shit, I've been married for 11, and I"m $%$#@* exhausted" I mentioned. "Well", she said "good luck with the next 40 years, it doesn't change". Can I move into a seniors home at 41?

So I just returned from a week holiday with my 2 boys and husband. Now I use the term holiday loosely because holidays are meant to be relaxing but when you are looking after 3 males it is anything but relaxing. Thank god for my girls weekend, that was a holiday. This trip was not about me it was about creating memories for my sons. One day we ventured up to Sylvan Lake for the day and while the boys were in the sport store I cruised into the women boutiques to talk to the owners. The common theme among them were that most stores have been affected by the recession but the main culprit to their low sales was the super center Walmart moved in to Sylvan. Now I have always despised Walmart, and my hate for that store grows at a rapid pace. North America was built from the back bones of small business and when the big box stores entered the picture the livelihoods of thousands of merchants crumbled and it's happening again. Please support your local business, they need your help.

I just returned back from a 4 day girls weekend, it has been 2 years since I have been away from my husband and boys and did I ever enjoy myself. Why as women and mothers do we not take more time out for ourselves. I will never wait 2 years to decompress again. Every year I am going away for atleast 2 days even if I have to sleep in my car. On the Friday as it poured rain the whole day, I stayed in my PJ's the whole time and my glass of wine stayed full. I sat under the awning by the pool and just relaxed. The women who I went with were not my friends but my girlfriend's close crew and we were all there to celebrate her 40th birthday. Well when you stick 6 women who are connected through one, in a beautiful house together what do you get...One %$%$# fabulous time !!! I laughed, I mean deep belly laughed for 4 days. I had great conversation with 5 amazing and completly different women. I came home feeling fresh, renewed and hungover (in a good way). If you haven't laughed hard you need to.

Have I mentioned that I used to work in the health club industry. For 1o years I worked exclusively with women, I have figured out that I have formed some level of relationships with all of these women, at least 1000 women, all ages, nationalities, races, you name her I have met her. I was a wellness coach long before it became an actual profession and buzz word. Now I own a retail store and on average I meet 20 new women a day, by that I mean I have actual conversations with them. I am not including just the "hi there" stage women. So get this, in the last 2 years I have met a minimum of 13,600 women. Holy shit! So does that mean that I am an expect in forming relationships with women? Not at all. The one thing I know for sure is that we women are very complex creatures. Men are not. They are the simple ones. Women... well I have never met 2 women who are the same, but I can say that I would rather be a women any day. I toast all of you for your uniqueness, beauty and I am honored that you have stepped into my boutique.

Wow it has been awhile since I wrote and I apologize. This weather has really affected my motivation and I told my husband that I will never say I want to live on the west coast again. The rain really affected my moods this time and it doesn't help when I have been detoxing from sugar. Trying to better yourself and embrace personal growth is hard and %$#@# exhausting. It's interesting though to watch customer's come in the store when the weather is poor. They are non talkative and grumpy. Not like today. There has been a steady flow of people in the store today and they are chatty, happy and in the buying mood. So does weather affect shopping behavior? I think so.

One of the things I love most about having my boutique is that it has become the spot were my girlfriends pop in not to shop but to talk, vent, discuss and visit. At least everyday someone I have a relationship with stops in for a good conversation. Sometimes there will be customers in the store who will start to engage in our conversation and for the short period of time they are here, a relationship is created between them and myself. I have met the most fascinating people in the last two years and have made some amazing connections but my favorite relationship is the one with my girlfriends. Today is Friday and it is normal to find a bunch of women in the store sipping beverages and laughing. This is the best job I have ever had.

So now it's April 2010 and my husband and I have worked very hard at trying to make our relationship work and I am happy to say it's working. He finally admitted to me that he feels lost and he doesn't know what direction to take. He has quit his job and age wise he is close to 50 and I think it's his "mid life crises" time.

So that is the Cole's notes about how I arrived at this point in my life. Why I decided to open up a boutiques, developed a cream line, become a better wife and balancing work with all my relationships. Speaking of, the relationships in my life believe it or not are a lot like the retail industry. Stay tuned.

Now let's step back to January 2010 when my husband I are talking separation. We are sitting on the couch having a drink and casually talking about how we have grown apart. We never fight, we sometimes argue, we are always together and it has been that way for the last 13 years. We even worked together so no wonder we were tired of each other. As we were talking about our relationship it dawned on me or I had what I call a "AH HA moment". We were treating each other just like how I treat my customers. We were polite, respectful and would make small chit chat through-out the day. I would be so exhausted when I arrived home that I had nothing to offer my husband and because he worked from home, he would be ready to engage in conversation with me. However n0w i am home and the business woman hat is taken off and the mom hat goes on. I have 45 minutes to cook dinner, spend time with my sons and be a wife until all the nighttime duties kick in. "Would you like me to gift wrap your dinner sir"?

Marriage is a funny thing. It was created based on that most ancient societies needed a secure environment for the perpetuation of the species, a system of rules to handle the granting of property rights, and protection of bloodlines. The institution of marriage handled these needs. So why did mine breakdown. In all honesty it was because when I became a mother I changed. I went from a free spirited relaxed women to having 2 children in 2 1/2 years, suffered from mild postpartum, moved countries, stopped my selfish life for awhile. and the clincher...lost my sex drive. So the result; my husband didn't like me. So speed up 8 years and constantly changing as my children were getting older and just changing with age I "out grew" my husband. Does this sound familiar?

Here's the "Cole's" version of my marriage background.
When I first met my husband I was 27. My mother had just passed away, I had ended a 3 year relationship was drinking a lot and moved countries. I was in no form to get involved in another relationship. I was a personal trainer for a health club in Bermuda and was working with individuals who had major health and self esteem issues. Exhausting to say the least. Met my husband 1 month in, moved in with him 6 months later, married when I turned 30, got pregnant at 33 moved back to Calgary, second child at 35, opened my boutique in Bragg Creek at age 39, developed a cream line at age 40 and now I am turning 41 and somewhere in the chaos my marriage has broken down. Go figure.

I started this blog solely to vent about the difficulties in my marriage in relationship to opening the store. After wondering how much I should personally share, I came to the conclusion that because so many women are experiencing the same issues in regards to relationships that I am going to share my journey in hopes that some of you can relate or comment or even give advice. Writing in this blog will become my form of cheap therapy. Because lets be realistic here, I don't have the time to physically go to therapy, so this my couch.